“When a teenage boy told my friend why he wouldn’t marry a working woman.”This was an article by a teenage girl that caught my eye. “I will clarify with my wife that she never works or has a job,” said the boy. The article mentions how the boy expects his would-be-wife to be a homemaker like his mother. He wants his wife to take up the responsibilities his mother has been handling for years. The girl is not able to connect with the thinking of the boy, as she is the daughter of single working mother. This had me thinking, the girl was looking from her friend’s paradigm, and her friend is a girl with modern views. What about the boy? We talk of feminism, woman’s rights and equality for men and women. However here we are talking in terms of the female only. What is the reason behind this mentality in the boy? Lets see his viewpoint; he seems to be concerned for his mother. For him it is relieving her from the burden of her household duties. He must have seen her working day in and day out for the family; the only option he saw was that his wife could give some relief to his mother in terms of the burden she has been handling for years. What’s wrong with that anyways? Well, if he has seen his mother working herself tired did he think of helping her? Did he think of helping his mother, or doing something that would reduce her burden? Maybe not, or maybe he did try but without success, his mother might have categorically refused saying, “Beta, you are boy, you don’t need to do all this!” She would not have wanted her male child to get into the mundane household chores. So here lies the problem! It is not that the boy is looking out for a homemaker wife, but why is he thinking that he should marry a non working girl. The problem is the over- protective, narrow-minded parents who do not let their children think different. Some moms who think her male child should not enter in the kitchen, not even for a glass of water! Are you wondering what will happen if a boy enters the kitchen? Well for all you know their family status may be at stake! You know “khandaan ki naak kat jayegi”. Yes this mentality still exists in some families and on the other hand we have Sanjeev kapoor and Vikas Khanna who have made a great name in creating new recipes. Coming back to the mentality, it is this type of thinking among parents that brings such attitude and thoughts among boys. Why only boys? Girls today also shy away from any household work. According to most teenagers today, it is the duty of their mother to cook and feed them, irrespective of their mother being a housewife or a workingwoman. Some teenagers would not like to be found dead working in the kitchen. If the mother is a homemaker then it is her duty and if she is a workingwoman then it is the duty of the cook or the maid. Teenagers are not supposed to be doing household work! What else they have a perfect reply… “It’s the teenage hormones Mom”. Ya...As though we were born in our 30’s or 40’s without experiencing adolescence! Well, its not that all teenagers are like this, some teenagers do help in the household work, however such cases are rare and the difference can be seen in the atmosphere at home. The atmosphere at home; that’s hard to believe right? We as parents need to change our attitude, first. Men should help their homemaker wife with her household work and sometimes discuss office matters and take the opinion or suggestions from their wife. If both parents are working they should see that the household work is equally distributed among all the family members. All members include children also. This will create a sense of responsibility and equality in the family that the children will imbibe. Thus a change in how we act will make the thoughts and decide the attitude of our children. I was inspired to write this after reading my daughters writing-
https://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2017/03/bone-of-contention-unresolved-problem/
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As a higher secondary teacher, I have been observing teenagers for more than a decade, I see a deterioration of values, discipline and manners in them. Recently there was an incident that led me to pen down my thoughts on this. “ Ma’am, what should I do? Are you allowing me to write the paper or sending me home?” The invigilator was dumbfounded for a second; she had caught this girl using unfair means during her grade 11 final exams. The girl had around 8-10 chits kept between the neat folds of the sleeves of her school kurta. The audacity with which the student questioned has stunned the invigilator.
There was no sign of remorse or distress in her eyes; instead she seemed quite calm and composed. “Sir, I will not do this again, there is no need to call my parents,” she told the admin staff in the office who was trying to inform her parent. Later at home I shared the incident with my teenage daughter, “So?” she simply gave me a blank look! My daughter is in the same school, a year senior to the girl caught cheating, “That’s how the teenagers are today, mom!” her answer shocked me, but that was not all, she further justified her statement. “Most teenagers do not consider achieving things by unfair means as immoral, be it an exam or any thing else.” She continued, “For most teenagers today, achieving things are important rather than how you achieve it.” I was astounded to hear all this… are these the future citizens of our country! What happened to our values? “Who do you think is responsible for all this?” I asked. “Parents of course!” came her reply. “See mom, there are very few parents who actually spend time with their children. They just believe that fulfilling the needs of my child is what a parent is supposed to do”. This had me thinking, actually, most parents today think that their responsibility is just to meet all the needs of their child. That, according to them is the measure of success as a parent. These needs include providing a separate AC room with LED TV, iphone, car/bike, branded clothes and restaurant food. Family time is now just a vacation to Switzerland, South Africa or any other exotic location. Sometime back my daughter was talking about an acquaintance of her classmate, this boy is studying liberal arts staying in a hostel. His daily pocket money is equivalent to the monthly income of some Indians Rs 5000/-. The boy got into bad company and started taking drugs in the first year of college. The worst part is that the parents are not even aware of it; his mother gives him money whenever he asks for it. How is it that a mother does not even realize that there is a change in her son? They are so engrossed in fulfilling the wishes of the child that they overlook the feelings of the child! The fact that the child needs to be heard, guided and advised does not exist in the dictionary of most parents. Parents today do not want their child to go through any difficulties. They try to protect them from the problems even before the problem truly arises. That’s where the trouble lies, because the child then does not value things. Most of these parents have had strict and orthodox parents; they needed the help of their mother to convey something to their father. Thus to avoid such situations and be approachable, they try to be friendly with their children. However, what they don’t realize is that there is a fine line between being friendly and being a friend. Being friendly with your child is good as they are able to share things, but if you become a friend then the equation changes. The kids then take you for granted; parents should thus know when and where to draw a line. What is acceptable and what is not. We have heard the saying “charity begins at home” so does basic morals and values. Parents have to teach these at home. The school molds a child, however the clay is set at home. What the parent needs to understand is that even the best of the schools will fail to mold the child if the clay is not proper. After all values are imbibed more than they are taught. Deepthi Uthaman |
DeepthiThis page gives my reviews on books and articles read by me or any other issue that I pen down. Archives
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